If God asks you for something, you have two choices: Yes or N0

If yes, there is often a vision that comes with it—another time to choose Yes or No.

Suddenly, you are transported to the edge of a chasm called HOW.

Here’s the funny thing: I always have a hard time saying “no” to people. Since I was very little, I was agreeable. 

That was not always a good thing because it worked against me knowing what I want and need. I protected myself from causing pain to others by saying “yes” whether I felt  agreeable or not. 

I didn’t know there might be a kind way to say “no” in order to protect myself. The seeds of co-dependency. It has taken me a very long time to learn how to say no, thanks. 

Funny enough, that might have been how I ended up in Damascus, but God has his ways, even when we are not yet one of his sheep. I did come to faith there, but that is another story. 

One pertinent fact I must share. When I first heard people tell me, “God told me” or “I heard God say…” I never understood how that was possible or what it sounded like. I questioned whether or not they might be talking to themselves. It sounded a bit woo-woo to me, but they seemed sincere.

A call in the middle of the night 

So, a few years after I became a “true believer” in Syria, I woke up in the middle of the night and “heard” God asking me to give him my art talent. I was puzzled and did not respond. He asked again. Even though I was habitually a Yes person, I was looking for a good reason to say No. Imagine a little tug-of war. I had to do some quick evaluations and found that I was a bit resistant, besides being really surprised.

Am I hearing right?

Who am I to hear from God like this?

Of all things, why my “art talent”?

I found it an odd expression.

Then I considered the Source: Who is asking me?

Who would dare to say No to God?

That would be foolish. I said/thought OK.

Whatever.

Looking back with curiosity

Now,  decades later, with greater understanding about how God works, I notice my reactions with curiosity. What surprises me was realizing how little I valued the thing God was asking for. Yet, for God to ask, it must have been something. 

Doing art had been part of me as long as I remember, I did not value it. My parents valued my intelligence more than my art—almost as if I had to get over it, and get to the real stuff in life. 

I had to hide and almost secretly indulge in art making. I think that was me being rebellious. Some how I understood there was no future in art. My art was my escape, side-line and refuge. Not full time. I kept it quite private.

After that night of saying yes, OK, I noticed a difference in what I felt like painting, and even a different style. Slowly I was coming around and letting myself be inspired in a new way, that was not based on what I saw only with my eyes.

At the same time God was using art to teach me and show himself to me. When living in a Muslim country and the majority of Christans being Orthodox or Catholic it is not common to hear people talking about God experiences and certainly not about painting images related to their faith.

 

Even though I saw images of Christ in the Orthodox church we often attended, it was little daunting (to say the least) when I tried to paint an image of Jesus. I hesitated to even begin, and it felt so scary. But I started and to tell the truth it did not go well. When I looked at it a few days later I decided cover it up. I started to paint white over every part of the face, head, and shoulders—except the eyes. I decided to work more on the eyes because I just love to paint eyes, with oil. I stood back and suddenly the eyes seemed to be looking at me! I felt that Jesus was seeing me, really deeply, as if he meant, “I know you. I know parts of you you don’t even know.”

I don’t think I worked anymore on that painting, but I kept if for a long time.

When the Creator of the Universe told me to give Him my art talent, I had no idea what that meant. After many years I realized that He meant for me to use art to communicate his Truth as I undertand it, which lead me into a new kind of painting. Returning from Syria I discovered mixed media, all sorts of new materials and ways of using them. 

Then I found myself on a journey to find my artistic voice. That took a few more years. Even now it is an ongoing process.

I think I’m on the other side of the chasm, but can only see glimpses of what lies ahead. 

The journey continues.

Note: The painting of eyes above is not the one mentioned in the story, but I still love painting eyes. The original was lost and I never took a photo of it, long before cell phones!

I’m curious how you knew that you were called to paint as an artist of faith. Feel free to share below.